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I recently published a story about Customer Support at The Sadist's Casino and was immediately bombarded by a ton of letters urging me to visit the Eden OnLine Casino support center. All the letter writers told me that Angelica, the woman in charge, is exactly what her name implies: An angel. I decided to go even though I would have been more impressed if all those letters had not been written by Angelica's mother.
"Are you a disappointed customer?" Angelica asked when I walked in the door. "I am SO sorry. I promise you that I will do everything possible to help you. In the meantime, would you like a little snack and something to drink? I can send out for caviar and champagne."
"No," I said, "I'm a reporter and I stopped in to see how Customer Service works here at Eden."
"Oh," said Angelica. "I'm certain that we're no different than any other casino. We just want to make certain that all our customers are happy all the time."
The phone rang and she picked it up.
"How can I help you?" Angelica asked. "Yes. You are absolutely right. It IS very misleading. I am sorry that we confused you and you lost so much money. I will refund it immediately and add a $100 bonus for your trouble. No, don't be silly. ANYBODY could make the same mistake -- when a game is called 'Blackjack' it is perfectly understandable that you expect to win whenever you are dealt a black jack."
"Are you always so helpful to your customers?" I asked in surprise.
"Of course," said Angelica. "They are all such wonderful, sweet, people that it is impossible not to want to help each one."
She was interrupted by another telephone call.
"What?" she asked, a bit stunned. "Someone at Customer Support was RUDE to you? That's unforgivable! I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. I know that this won't make up for it, but please let me arrange for a Las Vegas vacation at our expense -- it is the very least we can do."
"I imagine that you will fire whoever insulted that customer," I said.
"I would love to," Angelica replied, "but I can't. He works for a different casino. He was very nasty to that poor woman -- just because she had opened 318 accounts in order to get the sign up bonuses."
"But if the problem was at another casino, why did you give her the vacation?" I asked.
"Because, as much as I hate to say it, I don't think that horrible man will ever give her one," Angelica replied.
"But how does the Eden Casino ever make a profit if you give back money to people and pay for vacations?" I wondered.
"A profit?" Angelica asked. "Who can care about making profits when there are unhappy people out there? People go to casinos to win money and if they don't do that then the casino is not doing its job and doesn't deserve to make a profit."
Three people wearing hospital uniforms came in and Angelica lay down while they inserted a needle into her arm.
"One of our customers in San Francisco wrote saying that he needs an operation," Angelica explained, "so of course I promised to donate blood and have it sent to him."
The telephone rang a third time. One of Angelica's assistants picked it up and told her in an awed voice, "It is the Pope!"
"Good afternoon, Your Holiness," she said. "What? That is a fantastic honor, but I really can't accept it. For one thing, don't I have to be dead before you can declare me a saint? Besides, I'm not a Catholic. But I really do appreciate the offer."
"The Pope wants to make you a saint?" I choked.
"Yes," said Angelica. "But I couldn't accept -- and I was too embarrassed to tell him the real reason."
"What is it?" I asked.
"I'm not," she blushed, "a virgin. A customer named Melvin had a problem at the roulette tables and came here to complain. I tried offering him his money back and even threw in a very large bonus, but he just wasn't satisfied. I hate to have anyone leave unhappy, so...."
"You mean...?"
"Yes," Angelica admitted. "I guess it comes under the heading of 'Customer Relations' -- and you would be surprised how many of his friends have since opened accounts with us!"
"And I'll bet that a lot of them have had complaints and want to speak to you personally about them," I said.
"Why yes," Angelica replied. "How did you know?"
"Did it ever cross your mind that their complaints may not be real?" I asked. "That they just want the kind of bonus that you gave to Melvin?"
"Of course not!" Angelica replied in shock. "They wouldn't do a thing like that -- it wouldn't be honest!"
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