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With the United States hosting a summit meeting in Annapolis to bring peace to the Mideast, President Bush decided to bring in some of the leaders for a friendly poker game at his house.
Sparing no expense (namely, we slipped two Hershey bars to the guy who delivered the beer), "Wilde is the Joker" was able to get a transcript of the evening. The invited members included UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown; German Fuehrer...err, leader...Angela Merkel; Ehud Olmert, the Israeli top man; and Palestinian president Mahmoud Abbas .
Bush: Okay, everybody. It's dealer's choice poker.
Merkel: Can't we play gin instead? That way I get a chance to pull a blitz.
Brown: It's my deal. Five card stud; queens are wild.
Olmert: "Queens are wild?" I never heard of that.
Brown: Try hanging around the Palace when Fergie's name is mentioned -- you'll REALLY see a wild queen! Ehud, you're high with a jack -- you open.
Olmert: Okay. I'll start with two West Bank settlements.
Abbas: You can't bet them! They're not your territory. They're MY territory!
Merkel: As I remember, Israel won them from you in a poker game back in 1967.
Bush: It's America's position that occupied lands should be returned to their original owners.
Olmert: I am certain that your Indians will be happy to hear that.
Abbas: Okay. I'll let him bet them. But if he wins the hand I am going to start setting off some bombs.
Merkel: "Bombs"? Did I hear somebody mention bombs? Ah, those were the good old days, what with the nightly flights over London and all!
Brown: Maybe, but we'll get our revenge with the invasion.
Merkel: You already had the invasion -- in 1945.
Brown: That was nothing! I'm talking about a serious invasion -- we'll be sending English football hooligans to the next game in Frankfurt.
Bush: Guys, please! If I wanted a night of fighting and arguing I could have stayed home with my Daddy. Let's play some poker. Gordon, you're showing a pair of 6's -- your bet.
Brown: Okay. I'll bet Belfast.
Merkel: Forget it! Nobody will be willing to win and take it. Can't you bet something more interesting -- like Czechoslovakia?
Brown: No way! We lost that in a game in Munich and the next thing we knew you grabbed Poland as well.
Bush: Okay, I'll see your Belfast with New York State.
Olmert: You have got to be kidding! You are willing to risk New York for Belfast?
Bush: Sure. Don't forget -- the Clintons lives there now! Why else would I bet into a low pair when I'm only holding a nine high?
Abbas: I'd love to win this hand. Imagine -- my owning New York! I'm crazy about kosher delis.
Olmert: I didn't know that you are Jewish!
Abbas: Don't spread it around too much -- it could hurt my election chances in Gaza.
Merkel: Hey! Where is Hu Jintao?
Brown: I think it's somewhere near Tokyo.
Schroeder: It's not a place, dumbkoff! Hu is the President of China. Why wasn't he invited?
Bush: That's my fault. I meant to send out for Chinese, but I forgot.
Brown: No problem. I'll call the embassy and have them send over some bangers.
Olmert: That's a wonderful idea. A few hookers liven up any game.
Brown: Bangers aren't hookers. They're English sausages.
Abbas: You are going to feed us British meat? Wow! And they used to call ME a terrorist!
Brown: They're is nothing wrong with British beef. We did a very careful check and found that there is only one mad cow in all of England -- and she lives in Buckingham Palace. Besides, bangers are made of pork, not beef.
Abbas: Then Ehud and I won't be able to eat them -- remember, we're kosher.
Brown: Too bad you didn't invite Nicolas Sarkozy . Say what you want about those French, but they really know how to cater a poker game.
Olmert: Sarkozy refused to come. He's still upset about how the First Gulf War turned out.
Brown: But why? We won.
Olmert: That is the problem. It completely upset the French Army's battle plans -- they are based on quick surrender.
Bush: No problem. I'll call the Canadian prime minister and invite him to the game. He can pick up some Nova Scotia salmon on the way. Err, does anybody know his name?
Merkel: Not me. I'm a politician, not a trivia expert.
Olmert: Look! Trip queens! This is my hand for sure. I'll bet Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, Haifa, and most of Miami Beach.
Brown: Too rich for my blood, I'm out.
Bush: Me, too.
Merkel: I guess the hand is yours.
Abbas: Not so fast. Take a look at my hole card. A king -- and that gives me three of them. I win.
Bush: No, Olmert wins.
Abbas: Why? We never agreed with Tony that queens are wild.
Bush: It doesn't matter. We are playing house rules. And in the White House queens always beat kings -- my Mom decided that a long time ago.
Abbas: This means war!
Schroeder: War? Wunderbar! Just like the good old days! I'll alert the Wehrmacht...err, I mean Bundeswehr...immediately. We'll be in Paris by Christmas!
Bush: Guys, no! You can't go to war over a poker game that I hosted. Think of what it will do to my place in history.
Brown: George, look on the bright side. A world war might even make historians forget about those Iraqi weapons of mass destruction!
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