Chilly The Chimp
A dealer watches in amazement, as a chimp sits down at the blackjack table, with the handler in tow. He clears his throat and explains, “I'm very sorry sir only humans are allowed to play at these tables.”
The handler snorts, “Chilly the Chimp knows more about blackjack than most people do. He knows all the hand signals. He knocks the table when he wants a hit, waves his hand over the cards when he wants to stand, and matches his bet on a split or double!”
The dealer looks confused and asks, “What does it mean when he waves both hands wildly in the air like that?” The handler blinks then mutters, “It means he just peed on your leg.”
I'll Take A 9
At a plush Vegas casino a blackjack dealer and a player are discussing Casino etiquette as to whether or not a player should tip the dealer. The player says, "When I get dealt bad cards it's not the dealer's fault, so when I get good cards, it is based on luck and the dealer obviously has nothing to do with it, so why should I tip for that?”
The dealer replies, "When you dine in a restaurant do you tip your waiter?" "Yes, of course" says the player. "Well then, I am right” said the dealer “the waiter only serves you the food; even if it’s good or bad, it’s not up to him. Therefore by the same logic, a dealer serves you cards, so you should tip him also." "Okay," says the player, "but a waiter gives me what I want... I'll take a 9 please."
Gambling on Religion
A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister are playing blackjack when the police raid their home.
The Police officer turns to the priest and asks: "Father, were you just gambling?"
The priest exclaims, "The Lord does not permit me to gamble, you know that Patrick, you're from my parish!"
The Police officer then turns to the Minister: "Pastor, were you gambling?" The Minister replies, "This is our Sabbath, officer, I would never gamble on the Sabbath!"
The Priest pins the cop with a glare, and he lets it drop. Turning to the Rabbi, sheepishly, the officer ventures to ask: "Rabbi, I don't suppose that you were you gambling?" The Rabbi looks left, looks right, and asks: "Who could I possibly be gambling with?"